When someone in your family gets a cancer diagnosis, it's like everyone in the family has it.... but the diagnosed person is the one going on a long journey that no one else can follow.
That's how it is with my sister now.
She was diagnosed, but I am losing sleep worrying about whether or not she is in pain, and what's happening to her daily at the hospital, where she has been for 15 days now. I want to take her by the shoulders (her oh-so-thin shoulders that are shrinking daily) and sit her up in bed, put some real clothes on her, and march her out the door to get on with life. I worry about her husband, who is at the point of exhaustion and who can't sleep but is still trying to go to work and who must carry on with life while his mind is with his beloved while she lays suffering. It's he who scares me, because he is so worn out with worry himself.
I'm angry... not at God, but at the hospital who put her in a room with a lady who had a raging infection, and my sister now has sepsis and is suffering from pneumonia in the ICU as a result. I pray daily and nightly and anytime I can just cut loose a second at work that God fills her suffering with His Presence and she is able to bear what will be coming, and cross over to see Mother and Daddy at the end with the knowledge that she had a happy life, and was loved beyond compare.
I can't go daily.. she is too ill for company, and I am too afraid to drive on the highway, or drive at night... stupid, I know... I have become old... and she won't become old along with me, and that's what I am angriest about, but pray daily for acceptance. She has had a wonderful life with a man who cherishes her and a son who adored her. It's. Not. Fair.
How many people have said that?
Thank God I have Keith, my Rock, to get me through what's coming.
Thank God, now, that Kathleen will go on before me, and be there to greet me one day. I wish we had more time together now, though, with time to remember the old days, and our childhood playmates, and our cousins and all the silly things sisters talk about when they are together.
Sleep tight tonight, Little Sister.