Wednesday, March 7, 2012

A Sickness

When someone in your family gets a cancer diagnosis, it's like everyone in the family has it.... but the diagnosed person is the one going on a long journey that no one else can follow.

That's how it is with my sister now. 

She was diagnosed, but I am losing sleep worrying about whether or not she is in pain, and what's happening to her daily at the hospital, where she has been for 15 days now.  I want to take her by the shoulders (her oh-so-thin shoulders that are shrinking daily) and sit her up in bed, put some real clothes on her, and march her out the door to get on with life.  I worry about her husband, who is at the point of exhaustion and who can't sleep but is still trying to go to work and who must carry on with life while his mind is with his beloved while she lays suffering.  It's he who scares me, because he is so worn out with worry himself.

I'm angry... not at God, but at the hospital who put her in a room with a lady who had a raging infection, and my sister now has sepsis and is suffering from pneumonia in the ICU as a result.  I pray daily and nightly and anytime I can just cut loose a second at work that God fills her suffering with His Presence and she is able to bear what will be coming, and cross over to see Mother and Daddy at the end with the knowledge that she had a happy life, and was loved beyond compare.

I can't go daily.. she is too ill for company, and I am too afraid to drive on the highway, or drive at night... stupid, I know... I have become old... and she won't become old along with me, and that's what I am angriest about, but pray daily for acceptance.  She has had a wonderful life with a man who cherishes her and a son who adored her.  It's. Not. Fair. 

How many people have said that?

Thank God I have Keith, my Rock, to get me through what's coming. 

Thank God, now, that Kathleen will go on before me, and be there to greet me one day.  I wish we had more time together now, though, with time to remember the old days, and our childhood playmates, and our cousins and all the silly things sisters talk about when they are together.

Sleep tight tonight, Little Sister.


  1. I'm so sorry to hear this. Our thoughts are with you and your sister. Blessings.

  2. I was very upset to hear this. Having lost a family member to this disease, I can feel your anger and distress.

    There is nothing one can say, it is no respector of persons, I hope the time left for the family is good, and your sister has all of her family around her.
    Its not easy, and your right "not fair", my thoughts are with you all at this time. Take care.

  3. I'm thinking of you and send you strength in handling it. I had cancer some near 10 yrs ago with a gloomy diagnosis. I tried to cover my fear but frankly it scared me senseless. When I noticed how much everyone else was stressed, I stepped up the game and acted tougher. I know there are so many stages to Cancer and life is severe at times. Keep letting her know how much you Love her and take care of you. So sorry she has Cancer and I will pray for her. Sometimes when I was most afraid, I had someone give me a hug or a touch that had such power in it that I believe they were handing me some strength. I believed in it. When you can, give her your strongest hug! It works

  4. This post broke my heart. Our thoughts are with you.

  5. What an amazing woman you are and I know this must indeed run in your family. Sorry seems such a small thing to say when the pain is this great. I don't know how to express how much reading your post hurt. It was almost as if I was feeling what you were writing.

    Please take care of yourself. Keep praying and love each other.

  6. With tears in my eyes I can say I've been where you are, and where you will be going. I've had to make the decisions your sisters husband will have to make, but for my mom, who was just 56 years old.

    I've lost my mom, and my mom's two sisters all to cancer. The same genetic type of cancer. I fear for myself and my daughter, and my childrens daughters...

    Hug each other, lean on each other, and God.

  7. I read this post with tears streaming down my cheeks because I know the pain you are in. I lost my mother and both brothers much too early to ALS, a fatal disease. The main thing to do for your loved ones, I believe, is visit when they feel like company and hold their hand and let them know how much you love them and will miss them.

    I'm sorry you are going through this, Mary Ann, I know it is hard. I will pray for you and for your sister and her family.
    God Bless...

  8. Oh Mary Ann, my heart aches for you and brings back memories of my mom's last days...she left us way to soon (she was only 62, I was 32) those last days we had some really good talks and nothing went unsaid between us....I miss her every single day, but I have wonderful memories and I know I will see her again someday!
    My thoughts and prayers go out to you and her and your entire family.

  9. I am sooo sorry to hear about your sister and her husband.
    Prayers and Blessings for you sister, her husband and you.

  10. I have one sister, and can only imagine how I would feel in your shoes. My prayers are with you both.

  11. I am sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family.


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